Wouldn't Know Love
by Kleptomaniac Can Opener
Summary: AkiHika, "I don't think I would know love if it wore a name badge and hit me with a mallet."


"I love you."  
"No you don't."  
"Why do you always say that?"  
"Because I don't like being lied to."

Those were the last words they said to each other. After that, he just left. He could never believe him when he said those three words, he still couldn't. Strange how he still thinks about it from time to time.

  
  
Wouldn't Know Love

  
  
They didn't usually play on Sundays, but Shindo had been in the neighborhood.

He should have known that when the bleached blond did something unusual, more things out of the ordinary were bound to follow.

However...he could not have predicted they would share a bed.

  
  
They had been discussing their game...or arguing rather. Discussions with the other boy always turned into arguments somehow. And seeing as they were in private for once, neither tried to deter the other from getting louder.

Things became heated between them, almost physically so. They were in one another's face, he wasn't even sure if they were shouting about the game anymore. But he does remember when his eyes locked on fiery green.

He kissed him.

He had kissed Shindo.

Not just a little peck on the lips either. But a firm, searing one where he held the other boy to his taller frame with a strength he hadn't known he possessed.

Only Shindo could make him feel that way.  
Only Shindo could force him to be so passionate over a single stone...over anything.  
Only Shindo could cause him to act without thinking...illogical...irrational.

Only Shindo...

"To-Touya..?!"  
"Shh..." He kissed him again, slow and burning. Never had his heart pounded in his chest like that, not even when he was chasing him those years ago.

  
  
He had been willing, his body pliable...warm...

So unlike his Go.

They never made it to the bed, the shaggy carpet having sufficed. The pale gray-blue made a good background, contrasting against Shindo's hair and skin, the darkening flush bridging his nose.

He cried sweetly, sweeter than a victory stone clicking on the goban.

He never imagined his rival like this.  
Withering beneath him in need, begging for more.

It was like when they first met in the Go Salon, only reversed.  
The difference in strength had been obvious.  
He completely dominated.

~*~*~

Akira sighs heavily, leaning back in his seat. "I shouldn't remember such things."

But how can I help but remember when I hear this sort of thing...?

"...a terrible freak accident...eight injured...three in critical condition...Mazahara Yui, Fukashi Kenichi, and one of Japan's Go Pros, Triple Titleholder Shindo Hikaru."

I click off the television.

"Shindo..."

~*~*~

The interview had been taking forever.  
But he was used to that.

"And a question from your female admirers. Have you ever been in love?" He was silent a long moment, thinking.  
"Honestly...I don't think I would know love if it wore a name badge and hit me with a mallet." The woman laughed, taking it as a joke.

That's how it always is, if they don't like what they hear then it must be a joke.  
He would often use that to his advantage, saying odd or sometimes controversial things, knowing they won't be taken seriously.

With that over with, he headed towards his apartment.

"Oi! `Kira!"  
"Don't call me that, Shindo."  
"Heh heh, should have figured you wouldn't be the sort to like pet names. How did the interview go?"  
"Same as always."  
"You should grow your hair long." He didn't even blink at the out of place comment, so used to his blenched companion's often-random ways.  
"Why?"  
"You'd look really hot." He raised a brow.  
"I'm not 'hot' now?"  
"Of course you are, but you would look hot in a different way." He shook his head.  
"I will never grow my hair out."  
"Even if I asked you too?"  
"Yes."  
"I would like you with long hair."  
"I wouldn't."  
"Why?"  
"It would be a burden."

"Do you love me?" He froze. The question had come from out of the blue, even for Shindo.  
"...what?"  
"Do you love me?" Shindo gazed at him with sparkling eyes, that infuriating grin on his lips, hands casually behind his neck like he was addressing a common matter.  
"No."  
"How can you be sure?" His eyes narrowed at the shorter male.  
"Excuse me?"  
"You said you wouldn't know love if it wore a nametag and bopped you with a mallet."

He got him there.

With a snort, he started walking again, Shindo beside him.

"So, `Kira-"  
"Don't call me that."  
"Where are you going?"  
"Home."  
"Want to play Go?"  
"...Yes. I would."

~*~*~

I should have stopped it. I knew what was going to happen.

Playing Go at home meant I would be alone with Shindo.  
Shindo meant losing control.  
Losing control meant...

~*~*~

"Ah! AKIRA!"

He watched as Shindo's body trembled in the aftermath of their activities.

He savored those times.  
Touching him.  
Kissing him.  
Everywhere.  
Again and again.

"Do you love me?"  
"No."  
"How can you be sure?"

He never did answer, no matter how often he asked.

  
  
Gradually, they settled into a routine of sorts.

It worked perfectly for him...for both of them.  
But in true Shindo fashion, Shindo had to...complicate things.  
Ruin them really.

"Do you love me?"  
"Why do you keep asking that?"  
"Because I love you."  
"...no you don't."

~*~*~

Or maybe I had been the one to mess things up...  
It's hard to tell...

  
  
My phone ringing breaks my thoughts. It's Ogata, asking if I have seen the news. A yes prompts him to tell me which hospital Shindo has been taken to.  
I thank him and hang up.

...I won't go.  
I can't.

He must hate me.

After how I treated him for saying those words to me.  
What I said whenever he said them...  
I doubt I'm on his list of people he will want to see.

  
  
As days pass, many ask if I want to go see him, he should be conscious soon.  
I answer no.

Later...Ogata informs me Shindo has fallen into a coma.

~ ~ ~

It has been weeks since it happened.

Three months.  
Practically no chance of him coming out of it now...  
Health still deteriorating...  
Could die anytime...

I finally go to see him.

  
  
Others are here.  
No surprise, Shindo was popular with many.  
No...he IS popular with many...he's not gone yet.

A couple glare at me, probably angry I haven't been by before, knowing Shindo thought highly of me; others gaze with sympathy, as if understanding my position. It doesn't matter to me if they do or don't understand. Nothing matters...  
Except Shindo, who's lying on a white bed, hair limp and skin ghastly pale.

Shindo, who was my lover.  
Shindo, who I spurned.  
Shindo, who I could never call on familiar terms.

The room's too silent for him to be here. Outside of Go, he's never quiet.  
It's not right.  
Someone should play one of those awful rock songs he likes.

Hushed.  
Solemn.  
No...Shindo should not be in here.

My hands tighten into fists and my shoulders shake.  
I told myself I wouldn't cry, but even asleep...Shindo can make me do things I would never do otherwise.

"Baka."

That guy, Waya, glares at me some more. But I ignore him. I ignore everyone. My world focuses on Shindo as it has every time he stepped into my life.

If the world, stars, and heavens revolve around anyone, it's Shindo.

I know what would be the logical thing to say.  
'You can't die. You have students, obligations.'  
But it sounds so weak to me.

"You're the closest to the Hand of God. You can't die, Shindo."  
"You bastard! Is that all you care about?!"  
"Mitani!" That girl he's always hanging with holds back that guy who yelled. Shindo mentioned his name before. I think they were in Go Club together at some point.

"Shindo...you can't die...you just can't... You're supposed to be stronger than this."

Tears sting my eyes, blurring my already shaky vision.

"You can't die and leave everything behind. Your friends, your family, your passion for Go..."  
Me...  
You're going...to leave me...

"DAMN YOU, SHINDO! WAKE UP!"

They hold me back.  
Pull me away.

What do they think I'm going to do?  
Hit him?  
I just want to yell at him, like we used to do.  
We always yelled at each other.

"HIKARU!"  
  
"... ... ...`kira...?"

Everyone is shocked into silence, five pairs of eyes jerk to the form on the bed in hope and disbelief. The specialist said anything could trigger him to wake up...it couldn't be...that my yelling at him was the key...

We watch with held breaths as mint-colored eyes slowly open.

"...`kira?"  
"I'm...right here." I shrug off their slacken grasps on me, re-approaching his side. He smiles weakly beneath the breathing mask.  
"...you...said...my name..."

Funny...I don't think I've ever seen him so happy.

I gently hold his hand as the others rush up, that girl shedding tears. I only sit quietly.

I can wait for them to finish.

  
  
In time, we're left alone. The loud one didn't want to leave, but the taller boy, Isumi I think, dragged him off. I believe that was the friend Hikaru had told about us. Yes. It was him. I can tell by his eyes.

He understands.

"...`kira."  
"Hikaru..."

So many things I could say.  
So many questions I could ask.  
But really...there's only one thing I can say.  
One thing that truly matters.

"I love you." He smiles again, soft and sweet.  
"I know."

At least now...if the unthinkable happens...he will have peace of mind.

He deserves that.

"...`kira...your hair's longer..."


End file.
